A few days before we took down the Christmas tree, my daughter scribbled out the words I had carefully written on the bottom of two of this year’s ornaments.
Not just scribbled them out, scribbled them out with a permanent marker.
When I heard my husband tell her, “You should probably ask Mommy before you write on the new ornaments,” I felt my nerves jump to attention. You know that feeling when you feel yourself starting to react to a situation before you know what the situation is, but you know it’s going to be bad.
I had been peacefully nursing the baby, but now I was anything but peaceful. She was writing on the ornaments—the new ornaments, the baby’s first ornament. I took a deep breath, getting ready to launch into a lecture on taking care of our belongings, not ruining them and how she is never ever supposed to use my Sharpies without asking my permission.
Pausing to take that deep breath proved to be a life-saving or at least a heart-saving moment. While I was still inhaling, my daughter explained what she was doing.
“The wheel’s kept coming off L’s so I was going to give him mine, so he would always have a nice one from his very first Christmas. See I am crossing the names out and switching them.”
Oh, be still my mama heart.
She wasn’t purposefully trying to ruin the ornaments or looking for personal gain.
She was acting out of love for her baby brother. She was giving a treasure of hers to make sure someone else had a treasure.
I wrapped her in my arms as tears filled my eyes.
Tears of pride for the way my little girl was choosing to love others and put others above herself.
Tears of humility at the recognition of my own shortcomings. Oh, how quickly I could have squelched her little heart with my assumption that she was ruining the ornaments! Oh, how I could have crushed her spirit with a quick and angry reaction.
As I held her, these verses came to mind: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 3:19-20.
Oh Lord, help me each day to listen before I respond and to take that deep breath instead of reacting in the moment, so I don’t crush my children’s spirits. Let me look for the beauty in their sometimes-bumbled attempts to love others and to encourage them in them. And most of all, let my responses be governed by your love, not my own human emotions. Amen.
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